It's been a tough few months for my family and I. Back in October, we said goodbye to our 18 year old cat, Sabrina, and just a few weeks ago, we said goodbye to our seven year old dog, Oliver.
Pet loss is a horrible thing. I struggle with PTSD and anxiety which makes these things like loss extremely hard. I wonder if there was something I could have done differently or if I could have saved them if I saw the signs of illness sooner. Logically, I know there was nothing I could do, but emotionally, these past few months have been draining.
Sabrina's death was traumatic for me. We had a normal day, we played, she ate her breakfast and dinner, snuck a few treats. As I was getting ready for bed, I noticed that she was panting. Since it was October and I had just turned on the heat, I thought maybe the house was too hot for her. I turned the heat down and went to sleep.
At 3:30 in the morning, I was woken up to a thrashing sound and I had no idea where it was coming from. I came into my living room to find Sabrina flipping and flopping around like a fish out of water. She snapped out of it quickly and I rushed to her side. She let me pet her but she was hissing.I tried to encourage her to drink water or have a treat, but she couldn't even stand up, let alone eat. She had another flopping spell about five minutes later.
I called my parents who came immediately to check on her. My stepdad suggested that I try to get some more sleep as I was visibly shaken. I couldn't stop crying. What was going on with my baby? He told me to call the vet as soon as they opened and I was able to get her an emergency appointment at 9 AM.
I didn't sleep much that night. I was so concerned. I laid on my couch after I had put her in her bed. She just laid there motionless and tried to sleep. After dozing off on the couch, I woke up to find that Sabrina had lost the ability to control her urine and bowels. Something was definitely wrong.
Sabrina, Rest In Peace: October 19, 2021
Part of my subconsciously knew what was going to happen when I brought her to the vet. You hope and pray that you are wrong, but a small part of you knows. When the tech looked in her carrier, they rushed her back immediately. When the vet came in, he had that solemn look on his face. Sabrina was very sick and there was nothing we could do. Sabrina herself had made the decision for me and it was time to say goodbye.
When they brought her back to me to say goodbye, I held her in my arms and told her how much of a good girl she was. I promised her that she'd be in no more pain and she'd have all the fish flavor treats she wanted. I held her until she took her very last breath. She lived a very long life, filled with love.
Oliver's death is a different story. My big boy Oliver was having some trouble eating and some occasional vomiting so we took him in for a vet visit to get checked out. All of his tests and bloodwork came back normal, so we assumed that he might have just ate something that didn't agree with him.
Well, the vomiting and eating trouble continued to get worse. We brought him back to the vet, where they ran more tests, but once again those tests were inconclusive. Within a week, he had lost about 10 pounds. The doctor suggested trying new food and mixing it some human food with it. That seemed to do the trick.
Oliver's appetite returned when there was steak and chicken mixed in with his dinner. He licked the plates clean after dinner. He always begged for cookies and dog treats. Things were looking up. However, after a few days, the vomiting and eating issues returned again. When we took him in, the doctor did x-rays and it revealed that Oliver had a mass on his stomach that was slowly spreading to his lungs. Oliver had cancer.
We opted not to go through chemo and radiation as Oliver had been through a lot with the doctors already. We were given an appetite enhancer and sent on our way. We vowed as a family that we would give Oliver the best life with whatever time he had left, however much time it was.
Sadly Oliver deteriorated very quickly. Within a week, he would only eat if he was handfed, he had no interest in going outside anymore, and he was always panting due to the mass pressing on his lungs. Oliver was my brothers best friend and he ultimately made the choice that Oliver had suffered enough.
That final trip to the vet with Oliver brought back the memories of only but a few months earlier with my beloved Sabrina. We all stood watch over Oliver and took turns petting him as we said goodbye. That night, as a family, we played Scrabble, and out of the bag of tiles, my mom's randomly chosen tiles spelt L O V E O B. Oliver's nickname was Oliver Beene. It was Oliver's way of letting us know that he had found safe passage over the Rainbow Bridge.
Oliver and I, Rest In Peace, February 11, 2022
They say that you smile so big when you say hello but you cry lots of tears when you say goodbye. It's very true. Sometimes, losing an animal friend is harder than losing a person. I know that one day they will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge.
Signing off,
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