We all need a break right? Life gets crazy, work gets too stressful, throw kids and pets into the mix and it's a breeding ground for a tense environment. On those days when things get tough, I always turn to my girls. We are a tribe that has each others backs, no matter what.
Most of my life, I did not have the easiest time making friends. I moved to a new town just as I started middle school and it was not an easy transition. I was in a new place with a new environment (catholic school to public school) and I was the new kid who nobody wanted to be friends with. My years at Long Valley Middle School were two of the hardest years of my life. I remember frequently coming off the bus crying, skipping lunch so I could cry in the bathroom, and I was often alone in all my classes. I was quiet and shy, never wanting to call attention to myself. If you know me, you know that is not who I am at all.
I often think of that little 13 year old girl. I wish I could go back and tell her not to be afraid to be herself and embrace her uniqueness. While I may not have had many friends in real life, I did have a group of friends online.
When I was 13, I was a big fan of American Idol and when I say big fan, I mean big. I watched the show religiously and I had a real curiosity for what was going on behind the judges table, particularly with Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul, also known as Saula. There were so many different websites with theories about what could be going on between them and I dove right in, head first.
There were many girls my age who had this belief that they would eventually end up married with children. While it never did happen (or so they say), I found a group of friends who shared that common interest alongside me. Many of us grew up together, starting out in our young teens as internet friends who have know met in person.
I'm lucky with my tribe and while the members have changed throughout the years, there are still many times that I hold close to my heart. Life and feelings just get in the way sometimes, but I wanted to share a couple examples of how this tribe has always been about and for each other.
My best friend and I have the most insane story for sure. I first met Ericca on a Saula website when I was 13. We messaged back and forth through the site and became friends, but definitely not instantly. We were so different and I think at first, we probably hated each other. We lost contact for a little while but eventually found our way back to each other and we haven't looked back since.
Ericca, originally from West Virginia, and myself had become so close that we decided we wanted to meet in person. In August of 2010, my family had planned a vacation to Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia and since August is my birthday month, I asked my parents if Ericca could come for a visit while we were there. They were hesitant at first, but gave me permission to invite her down for a few days.
Ericca and I storm chasing during Hurricane Arthur in the Outer Banks, July 2014
The three days we spent together are some of my favorite memories. I have never had that much fun in the span of three days. We made ridiculous videos, sang along to the music on the radio, and just enjoyed each others company, finally not on a phone. When she had to leave after those three days, it was the hardest goodbye I've ever experienced in my life. I cried every night for a month straight.
I was lucky enough to convince Ericca to transfer schools and we spent the last two years of college together. Moorings 22 and 32 will always be our home. We had the best decorated room for every holiday (Christmas was our favorite), and we probably crammed too much stuff into one tiny room. My junior and senior year of college were some of the best years ever. The two of us were always together, so much so that if you found one of us, you found both of us.
We've spent countless hours together and we both still get choked up when we have to leave each other.
What's different about my friendship with Bekah is that while we are both Paula Abdul fans, we also have the kind of friendship where we can talk about anything and everything. She often offers a unique way of looking at things and she allows me to ask questions about her religious beliefs and her culture that I don't understand.
Bekah is the type of friend who is 100% real, whether I am going to like what she has to say or not. She doesn't sugar coat anything and she flat out tells it like it is. I appreciate and respect that quality of hers because sometimes she is right and I'll be honest, she's usually right when she knows that it's not what I want to hear.
Bekah and I at Wigs and Wishes, October 2016
I moved to Virginia in December of 2019. Bekah has lived here her entire life. I knew the area somewhat from taking vacations here as a child. When Bekah came home in March 2020 due to COVID-19, I was lucky enough to have my own personal tour guide. She showed me new and fun places in the Hampton Roads area of where I could visit.
We would go to lunch or just drive around, visiting the most random places. She's always been there. Now that she has gone back to California for school, I am once again friendless in a new place. It brings me back to my middle school days. However, I know that once she comes back from school in November, we'll pick back up right where we left off. I'm sure there will be many more places to visit in the coming months.
Then there is Jenn...Jenn is the kind of friend that everyone needs in their life. She's the quiet friend, but when we are together, you'd never know it. Jenn is that friend that is down for every single adventure, no matter what.
I met Jenn in a weird way too. I was scrolling through Instagram after an event where I got to see Paula and I noticed that she had used the hashtag #PaulaAbdul on instagram with a photo. What was crazy was that I had been at the same event that Jenn was at, we just didn't know each other. We conversed a little bit through Instagram and got to know each other better.
When I was messaging with Jenn, I had found out that she lived close to where I was going to school for my Master's degree. I took a shot and asked if she'd like to meet up with me for coffee before I had class. We bonded in the Sacred Heart University library and it was the start of a beautiful friendship.
Jenn and I in New York City, October 2019
I didn't know it at the time, but Jenn would become one of the closest and most loyal friends I have in my life. She's traveled with me on some of the best trips, we've been to many concerts together, we've attended gymnastics meets, and we've shared our mutual love of Taco Bell.
Jenn may be the quiet friend, but she is a fierce friend. She's the kind of friend who, if anyone messed with me, you better watch out. She's always had my back and she's proved it to me in so many different ways.
I love being friends with people older than me. Affectionately known as Grandma, my life would not be what it is without my Alison.
Another very odd story, Alison and I met in probably the most unconventional way. She followed me on Twitter after she had seen some photos of me with Paula. I reached out to her to introduce myself and we spent three hours on the phone that same night. We were laughing and telling each other stories of our life. Alison did not live too far away from me so the next day, I asked her if she wanted to go to a football game together.
I was nervous going to that game but I'm so glad I invited her to come with me. We laughed, we cried, we bonded. Almost every weekend, we'd get together to go shopping, hang out, or do something together. She was there by my side when I hit the jackpot at the casino and she's wiped away my tears when I was so frustrated with my dance class that I swore I'd never go back.
Alison and I in New York City at the Tremaine Dance Convention, July 2019
Much like Jenn, Alison is always down for an adventure. I can call her with the craziest of ideas and she's always in. I can think of the craziest scenarios in my head and she'll execute them with me. She's the definition of partner in crime. We've done some of the craziest, yet most exciting things together.
I think what I love the most though is that being that she's a little older than me, I can go to her for advice. She has more life experience than I do and she always helps me to understand the situation in a new light. She's also taught me that you can rely on your friends, even if you don't feel comfortable doing so.
While Ericca, Bekah, Jenn, Alison and I didn't meet each other in the traditional ways, they are still some of the brightest spots in my life. Isn't it funny how you become close to someone who you've never actually met in real life?
Internet friendship isn't for the weak, that's for sure. It's hard being in a long distance friendship, especially when time zones get in the way. However, internet friendships are also some of the greatest blessings I have in my life. I have connections to places I'm going to visit one day and friends who can educate me on new cultures and new places. While it hurts to say goodbye every time, it's always the best to add new travel plans to the calendar when the last trip is over.
Signing off,
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